Been awhile, crocodile....

Recipient: Anyone with too much time on their hands.

Occasion: I am one of those people.

There once was happy young mom

who thought that her kids were "da bomb"

her thoughts soon were changed

as they acted deranged

and incapable of being calm.

Limerick #3: Allie

Recipient: Me/Subject: Allison

Occasion: The need to vent after my daughter's epic meltdown at KMart this afternoon.

Allison loves acting shitty

Which is why I am writing this ditty

To vent all my madness

at her grumpy badness

and keep me from getting too "hitty".

Limerick #2: Travis

Recipient: Travis (friend's husband who teased me)

Occasion: Payback

There once was a goober named Trav.

A sweet, gorgeous wife he did have.

But all of her besties

Kicked him in the testes,

And now he's out looking for salve.

Limerick #1: Annie

Recipient: Annie

Occasion: Congrats on the Weight Loss!

There once was a hottie named Annie
Who disliked the shape of her fanny
She ran and she trained until nothing remained,
And now she says, "Gee! I'm uncanny!"

Singing Telegrams? C'mon; you can do better than that!!

How about sending a personalized limerick via e-mail? Just supply us with a few details about your Limerigram recipient, as well as an intended tone (Romantic? Congratulatory? Scathingly vicious? Super-dirty?).

We can do it all,

plus, make it rhyme;

in five metered verses

in 5 minutes' time.

Well, if it were a true limerick, it would have a different rhyme scheme, and depending on the recipient's name or if you're going to be the jerk that tries to make me rhyme something with "orange", it might take a few more than five minutes, but, still; see how I did that?